That's My Girl
by wonderwaller
Summary: "You're so comforting." She tore the bottle from his hands and made her way to the couch. "I thought you said it wouldn't help", Erin gave the bottle a shake over her head. "It doesn't. And I'm just being honest with you." The sadness filled his voice as he followed her into the living room, collapsing next to her.


Erin's lips were on Jay's before he could fully open the door, the force of her body nearly knocking him to the ground. If not for the overwhelming taste of whiskey, he very well could have lost himself to her electric pull. The power she had over him was unparalleled.

"Erin, what are you doing?" He exhaled as he was briefly able to separate his lips from hers, shivering as she dropped her mouth to his neck.

"Don't get dumb on me now." Erin's grin flashed up at Jay as she pushed him across the living room. The smile would have been a welcomed return to the casual eye. But not to Jay, he noticed how it didn't reach its normal heights. He saw the glaze that covered her hazel eyes. All the evidence of the grief she couldn't outrun.

Her lips returned to his as her small frame continued to guide him through his apartment. His calves hit the foot of his bed as he felt her hands slide to his chest and push him roughly back.

"Erin.." Jay began as she looked down at him from in between his knees.

"Shh" she responded as she removed her pants and shirt, pushing him back down onto the bed as he attempted to regain his footing.

Jay's heart began to race in spite of himself as she jumped onto him, again crashing her lips into his.

"Erin, stop." Jay mumbled against her lips, pinned beneath her straddle.

She laughed in response as his body betrayed him, hips bucking against her as she rolled into him. Her hands slid beneath his shirt, slowing raking her fingers up his hard stomach forcing the shirt over his head.

"Erin, we can't do this." This time it was Jay forcefully pushing her shoulders, separating their lips from one another's.

"Clearly we can." She grinned as her hand dipped below the waistband of his pants.

"Erin, lets talk." Jay calmly reasoned as he gently reached for her wrists, "this isn't going to solve anything."

"Don't be so noble, take advantage." She teased dropping her lips again to his neck.

"Erin, this isn't what you want." He forced himself into a sitting position, her strong thighs still refusing to lessen their hold on him.

"No, what I want is for my friend to have not been brutally raped and murdered." Her voice sounding sober for the first time all night, "But since I can't have that, being able to finally not have to think about it for a few minutes will have to do."

She grabbed both sides of his face, "Out of all of your partner duties, I didn't think this would be the one you'd complain about."

"I didn't want to deal with it when my Mom died." He stated looking deep into her eyes, "But that was a mistake. You're my partner; I'm supposed to keep you from making mistakes. Which is why, no matter how much I'd like to, we can't do this."

"I'll just go to Molly's then." Erin challenged, "I'm sure I could find someone more than willing."

"You could. But you didn't. You came here." He pushed a piece of her hair behind her ears and affectionately rubbed her shoulder.

"Which was a mistake."

"No it wasn't, I'm glad you're here."

"You have a hell of a way of showing it." She responded, shifting slightly on his lap causing another sharp exhale.

"Its ok to be sad and its ok to miss her, but what you are doing to yourself. Its not ok, Erin." Jay reasoned; ignoring the effect she was having on his body.

"I'm not sad. I'm heartbroken, Jay. I killed her. Its my fault." Tears filled her hazel eyes but did not fall; Jay wondered if she let them yet.

"Its not your fault."

"She was out getting my cake." Her voice trembled.

"Its not your fault." Jay repeated, hoping she would magically believe it.

"Explain how it isn't. Because as far as I can tell the only reason she was in that parking lot was me. I got her the job. It was my cake. I brought him in for questioning. I set him off. Me."

"Erin."

"You can't do it can you? Dammit, Jay."

"Life can't always be explained, Erin. You didn't make him a psychopath; you didn't bring him to Chicago. Its not on you." Jay pulled her against him and repeated the words softly into her hair, "Its not on you."

"Like hell it isn't." She abruptly stood up from him, grabbing his discarded shirt. "I need a drink."

"That won't help either." He called to her retreating back.

"Since you have all the answers, why don't you tell me how to make it stop?" She angrily turned towards him, "This pain, make it go away."

"I can't. If I could I would, I promise, Erin. I would do anything." He sincerely replied, earnest brown eyes never leaving her.

"Then since you're not up for my first plan, please forgive me if I'm not going to let you shit all over my second one too." She snapped as she took a long pull from a bottle of whiskey, not even bothering to pour a glass.

"The pain doesn't ever go away."

"Jesus Christ. Why the hell did I come here?"

"It becomes more bearable." He answered ignoring her anger as he took a drink from the bottle, "but it's always there. In the back of your head, the what ifs and happy endings. They will drive you crazy if you let them."

"You're so comforting." She tore the bottle from his hands and made her way to the couch. "I thought you said it wouldn't help", Erin gave the bottle a shake over her head.

"It doesn't. And I'm just being honest with you." The sadness filled his voice as he followed her into the living room, collapsing next to her.

"Well don't. Kiss me and tell me it was all a bad dream." She pleaded as she turned towards him.

"Erin.." he began. She looked so small in his shirt, almost childlike. He could tell she hadn't slept in days, the deep bags under her eyes looked painful. She was still beautiful, though, Erin Lindsey would always be the most beautiful woman in the world to Jay Halstead.

"You're fucking useless today." The disappointment dripped from her voice as she took another drink.

"Mouse and I served together." He reached for the bottle again, needing the fake courage to continue his story. "One day, we hear about a target being nearby. This motherfucker had been slipping through our fingers for months. He was the only thing keeping us over there, keeping me from my Mom. So I decide we should go, check it out. Take him out once and for all so we could all get home. I was in such a hurry that I didn't investigate the lead as well as I should have. Mouse could tell something was off, but I wasn't having any of it. I just had to get home. My Mom needed me, my sister needed me, and Will and my Dad were useless. I had to come home and take care of them." He paused to take a long drink, "So I pulled rank on Mouse and told him we were going. We barely made it five minutes before we were under attack. It was a setup, anyone could have seen it."

"Jay.."

"They took him. Mouse. They took him, tortured him for two days before we could find him. That's why he is the way he is. Its because of me."

"Jay you couldn't have known."

"But you could?"

"Its different." She reasoned, not believing herself.

"Is it?"

"Guess we're both fucked." She responded, taking the bottle from him.

"First thing you've said all night that I agree with." A hallow laugh escaped his lips as he slung his arm around her shoulders, pulling him into her.

"How did you deal with it?" She offered him the bottle as she asked the question, afraid to hear the answer.

"I didn't. I came home, my Mom died a couple months later. Then Ben died and I spiraled. Took it out on Will, my sister, my father. I drank constantly, slept with anything that walked."

"What changed?"

"I decided that I couldn't change the past, but I could have an affect on the future. I apologized to Mouse, and vowed to do everything in my power to make sure what happened to Ben didn't happen to anyone else."

"Did it help?"

"A little. You helped more."

"Jay.."

"Even before us. Being around you, whatever this is. This thing we have. It helps." His voice was confident even as the pink filled his cheeks.

"I know what you mean."

"Yea?"

"I'm here, aren't I?" She stated more than questioned before taking another drink.

"You are." He agreed.

The partners sat in silence, wordlessly passing the bottle between them.

"She knew about us, Nadia. She knew." His voice broke the silence.

"I know, her teasing was relentless." Erin smiled in spite of herself, imagining the grin spread across her friend's face when she witnessed yet another walk of shame.

"She cornered me. Scared the shit out of me." Jay laughed into the quickly emptying bottle.

"What?" Erin questioned turning to face her partner, bringing her knees to her chest.

"I was in the break room getting coffee and she busted in, pushed me straight up against the fridge and told me that if I hurt you she would castrate me."

"That's my girl." Erin smiled at the thought.

"She was terrifying…I completely believed her."

"She liked you, said she saw us coming from a mile away."

"Did she? Cause to be honest, I wasn't sure it was ever going to happen."

"She said we spent half of our day staring at each other and that she was amazed we ever accomplished anything."

The two laughed at the revelation.

"I miss her so much, Jay." The sobs finally overtook her body, days of relentless pain exploding out of her as Jay pulled her onto his lap.

"I know you do, Erin. Just let it out."

"I can't go to the store without seeing her, I can't go home." She explained through her sobs

"Then you'll stay here until you're ready."

"She didn't deserve that. She was so much better than that."

"I know."

"She must have been so scared, Jay, so scared and alone." The sobs sounded painful as Erin's whole body shook.

"I like to think she fought him until the very end. That she didn't give him the satisfaction of knowing he beat her." Tears filled Jay's eyes but his voice remained strong. "I think that's why we caught him. He got sloppy because she shook him. She beat him."

"Jay you heard what he did to her."

"I did. But she was strong, Nadia was a fighter." Jay affirmed as he fought the urge to let the tears fall, needing to hold it together for Erin who continued to cry against him.

"You're drenched." She commented, rubbing his chest when her tears finally subsided.

"I don't mind."

"I'm sorry about before, I just, I feel so lost."

"You don't need to apologize, I have your back. Always."

"I made such a fool of myself. I can't believe I jumped you like that."

"You? I'm the fool." He laughed, "You can jump me anytime."

"Not a fool, a good friend."

"I can't believe I turned down a naked Erin Lindsey."

"I wasn't naked." Erin lightly punched his shoulder, enjoying the lightness of the conversation.

"Who knows when that opportunity will present itself again." Jay teased.

"I'm sure there is time to fill in Wisconsin." She offered sincerely.

"Nothing but time." He agreed, a genuine smile overtaking his face.

"Did you mean what you said? That I could stay here? I'm exhausted."

"Of course, as long as you need."

They made their way to the bedroom, silently pulling back the covers as they have numerous times before. The partners climbed in and met in the middle, pulling one another into a comforting embrace.

"Thank you, Jay."

"You don't need to thank me, I told you Erin, I'll always be here for you."

"Tomorrow is going to suck all over again isn't it?"

"Probably." He solemnly affirmed as she yawned.

"But you'll be here with me?"

"Always."

"Then I'll manage." She whispered, "you know how much you mean to me, right Jay?" her head lifted off of his chest so their eyes can meet.

"Of course I do, Er. Its nice to hear it though."

"Its just, with losing her, its important that the people who you…who you care about." Erin began, struggling to find the words. "Its important that those people know. So I need you to know."

"I know. And you know that I…"

"Of course I know." She interrupted, resting her chin on his chest. "So what now?"

"We sleep."

"I can handle that." She responded as she relaxed into him.

"Goodnight, Erin."

"Night, Jay."

The End.


End file.
